Thriving Knowledge Hub
Why You’re Not Truly Happy (and How to Finally Get There)
Happiness is often portrayed as the ultimate goal in life, something we’re all striving to achieve. Yet, despite our best efforts, many of us find ourselves feeling unfulfilled, even when it seems we should be content. Why is that? The answer lies in understanding what truly drives happiness and how to cultivate it in a meaningful way.
The Illusion of External Success
It’s a common belief that external success—like achieving career goals, securing financial stability, or maintaining social status—will lead to happiness. However, research shows that this assumption is flawed. The concept of the Hedonic Treadmill explains why external achievements only bring temporary satisfaction before we return to our baseline level of happiness (Brickman & Campbell, 1971). This means that while getting a promotion or buying a new car might feel great initially, the happiness it brings is often short-lived.
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What People-Pleasers and Avoiders Have In Common—the Surprising Link
At first glance, people who avoid others and those who strive to please everyone might seem worlds apart. The avoidant, who often retreats into solitude, appears disconnected from the need for social approval. Meanwhile, the people-pleaser bends over backward to meet the expectations of others, seemingly prioritizing everyone else’s needs above their own. Despite these outward differences, these behaviors are, at their core, expressions of the same underlying struggle: the fear of rejection and a deep-seated desire for emotional safety.
The Protective Shell of Avoidance
For those who tend to avoid others, their withdrawal is often misunderstood as indifference or self-sufficiency. In truth, this behavior is rooted in a profound sensitivity to emotional pain. The potential hurt from rejection, criticism, or vulnerability can feel overwhelming, leading these individuals to create distance as a form of protection. By keeping others at arm’s length, they believe they can maintain a sense of control over their emotional well-being, shielding themselves from the discomfort of intimacy and the risks that come with it.
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How Childhood Messages Shape Our Understanding of Emotions: The Roots of Toxic Positivity
From a young age, the messages we receive about emotions play a significant role in shaping how we understand and express our feelings as adults. These early lessons often come from parents, caregivers, teachers, and society, subtly influencing our behavior and emotional well-being. While many of these messages are well-intentioned, they can sometimes lead to the internalization of toxic positivity—a mindset where only positive emotions are deemed acceptable, leading to the suppression of genuine feelings. The consequences of such emotional suppression can be more severe than we might realize.
1. Messages from Parents and Caregivers
“Don’t Cry” or “Be a Good Girl/Boy”
Children often hear phrases like “Don’t cry,” “Be strong,” or “Good boys/girls don’t get angry.” These statements are typically meant to comfort or encourage children to behave in socially acceptable ways. However, they can also convey the message that certain emotions—especially negative ones—are not acceptable.
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The Dark Side of Positive Thinking: Unpacking Toxic Positivity
In recent years, the idea that maintaining a positive mindset can lead to success, happiness, and well-being has become pervasive. Social media platforms are filled with motivational quotes, affirmations, and the relentless message that positivity is the key to a fulfilling life. But there’s a lesser-discussed side to this cultural obsession with positivity: toxic positivity.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, one should maintain a positive mindset and suppress negative emotions. It’s the overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that dismisses or denies the very valid emotions of fear, sadness, anger, and grief.
It’s very important to know that positivity is extremely helpful for well-being and is not inherently harmful. Positivity becomes problematic and toxic when people are forced to deny their authentic experiences in favour of a falsely optimistic narrative.
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Transform Your Inner World: How to Achieve True Emotional Freedom
In today’s fast-paced world, where external pressures constantly demand our attention, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters—our inner life. The reality is that the quality of our existence is shaped not by the external chaos around us, but by the inner world we cultivate.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of emotional turmoil or wondered why genuine happiness seems just out of reach, it may be time to turn your focus inward and unlock the secret to real emotional freedom.
The Science Behind Emotional Freedom
Emotional freedom is a state of being that is deeply rooted in both neuroscience and psychology. Our brains are remarkable, adaptable organs capable of reshaping themselves based on our experiences—a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity. Essentially, the thoughts and emotions we habitually nurture can literally change our brain’s structure and function.
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- Building Psychological Safety, Cultivate Inner Peace, Sustainable Well-Being
- Building Psychological Safety, Sustainable Well-Being
- Building Psychological Safety, Parenting Well
- Nurture Vibrant Joy, Sustainable Well-Being
- Building Psychological Safety, Cultivate Inner Peace
